Where the Moms Are: Six Ways for New Moms to Get Connected and Stay Sane

So, you’re a new mom. The first blissful moments of wonder have melted into weeks of sleepless nights and days that can be lonely and confusing. What do you do when the baby won’t nap? Is that cradle cap normal? Why do you feel like you are losing your sanity? In the first few weeks after my baby was born I became very lonely. My husband was at work all day and, for the first time, I was not. I missed adult conversations and camaraderie. I had thousands of questions and worries about my new little baby. I found myself unreasonably excited about things like a visit to the doctor (Nurses to talk to!) and running out of normal conversation fodder (Baby poop is NOT interesting to everyone). Here are some ways I found to get out of the house, connect to other moms, and just plain old hang on to my sanity.

1. MOPS International

MOPS (Mothers Of Pre-Schoolers) is an organization for mothers and young children that meets regularly (usually twice a month) for mentoring, sharing, learning, and fellowship. The MOPS organization is church affiliated, but is welcoming to all denominations and backgrounds. My local MOPS chapter had presentations on finding your worth as a woman (not just a mom), making freezer meals, CPR, and other relevant topics. They sponsored monthly “Mom’s Night Out” activities, as well as group play dates at local parks and kid-friendly hang outs. They also provide childcare. There is a membership fee and cost for childcare, but it is minimal and scholarships are available. Visit the MOPS website to see if there is a chapter near you!

http://www.mops.org/

2. Your Local Library

The library is another great way to meet new people and get out of the house. My local library offered a wonderful program called “Book Babies.” This group, for children birth through 24 months, met each week to read baby appropriate books, sing songs, and play together. It was a fun time for my little one, even as young as 3 months old. Studies show that early reading with your baby helps them to become life-long readers. My library also offered story times for older children, as well as activities and clubs for kids up through the teen years. Check your local libraries website or call and speak with the children’s librarian for information on what your library has to offer.

3. Local YMCA or Other Fitness Center

The YMCA or similar type of facility can be helpful to new moms in a number of ways. First of all, most provide childcare to children 6 months and older. This can provide mom with much needed “me time” as well as helping to feel good post-pregnancy. Additionally, many facilities have “mommy and me” style classes available as well, such as swimming or yoga.

4. Local Health and Wellness Centers

Many communities have a health and wellness center that is dedicated to women’s health and pregnancy. Often these centers specialize in prenatal and postpartum health, breastfeeding empowerment, and mom-to-mom fellowship. My town has one such health center and offers infant massage classes, family nutrition classes, a “breastfeeding café,” and other events.

5. The Park

Check out parks in your area. Even if your child isn’t old enough to play on the playground, parks can still provide a way to meet other moms. If the weather is nice, take a walk to the park. Sit on a park bench and read a book while your baby naps. If nothing else, you will feel better just getting out of the house. Bonus: Babies often sleep better after a bit of fresh air.

6. Groups in Your Area

Finally, every community has their own unique opportunities. The small town I live in has farmers’ markets throughout the summer and fall, family movie nights, downtown “safe” trick-or-treating, free outdoor summer concerts, a mom and baby hiking group, and many other great activities for moms and families. Facebook and other social media sites can be a great way to find these events.

Vampire Free 80s Movies to Watch with Your Kid or Teen

If your family is anything like mine, Friday or Saturday evening rolls around and all we want to do is relax with a nice movie. This can be easier said than done. My husband prefers action, sci-fi, or (often raunchy) comedies, I enjoy inspirational dramas and rom-coms, our 7th grader likes a mix of all of the above (minus the raunchy comedies), and the baby, well the baby doesn’t have an opinion  . . . yet. However, there is something satisfying for my husband and I in sharing our childhood favorites with our daughters. After all, we want them to have an appreciation for the classics. 

The following is a list of great 80s movies that our daughter appreciated as an elementary-aged kid, and now as a young teenager—and not a vampire or werewolf among them!

For Kids:

1. The Karate Kid (1984), Rated PG

The REAL Karate Kid. Not the one with Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan, the one with Ralph Macchio and Pat Morita. This trilogy (the second one is my personal favorite), while mildly cheesy, is chock-full of inner strength, triumph of the spirit, and  80s goodness. 

2. Goonies (1985), Rated PG

Perhaps one of the greatest 80s movies ever! Follow a bunch of ragtag kids from the “boondocks” in Astoria, OR as they thwart vicious criminals, hunt for pirate treasure, and save their homes from a pretentious land-grabber. Remember, “Goonies never say die!”

3. The NeverEnding Story (1984), Rated PG

This movie is for your bookworm kid and your fantasy-loving kid. Join Bastian as his book comes alive and he must save the wonderful world of Fantasia from the fearsome “Nothing.” Best part of the movie: a fluffy pink “luck dragon.”

4. E.T. the Extraterrestrial (1982), Rated PG

Steven Spielberg’s heartwarming story about a young boy, Elliott, and his alien friend will capture your kids’ hearts and imaginations. Plus, a young Drew Barrymore is adorable as little Gertie. A must-see for young sci-fi fans.

5. Flight of the Navigator (1986), Rated PG

Another great sci-fi flick, David is kidnapped by aliens and transported to the future. When he returns to earth, everything has changed. David, with the help of alien robot, Max, must attempt to set things right.

6. Honey I Shrunk the Kids (1989), Rated PG

Very funny and highly entertaining, your kids will love the story of a crackpot inventor who accidentally shrinks his kids and the neighbor kids and dumps them in the trash. Their adventure home is epic—the backyard can be a vast wilderness when you’re less than a centimeter tall.

For Teens:
1. Back to the Future (1985), PG

Another trilogy, the Back to the Future movies are, of course, about time travel. Your teens will laugh, in spite of themselves, at the adventures of Marty McFly and the hairbrained Doc Brown.

2. Adventures in Babysitting (1987), Rated PG-13

It’s supposed to be a simple night of babysitting for Chris, but when she must drive into the city to pick up her hapless friend, Brenda, the night goes hilariously wrong.

3. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986), Rated PG-13

Ferris Bueller decides he deserves a day off, so he pretends to be sick and then enlists his friends on a hilarious day of hijinks and near misses with parents and the high school principal.

4. Dead Poet’s Society (1989), Rated PG

Arguably one of Robin Williams’ greatest films, Dead Poets Society tells the story of the impact of one innovative teacher’s tremendous impact at a boy’s prep school. 

5. The Princess Bride (1987), Rated PG

Last, but certainly not least, The Princess Bride is everything all rolled into one. A comedy, an adventure, a love story—perhaps your teen will join this films well-deserved cult following. 

Three Reasons to Support School Dress Codes

With all the recent controversy surrounding school dress codes and the rights of students—particularly teenage girls—to dress how they want, I felt the need to sound-off on the subject myself. My opinion is based on good old fashioned common sense and a little wisdom gleaned from my experiences as a woman, a teacher, and a mother, as well as evidence from recent psychological and sociological studies. 

Let me first start by defining dress code. A dress code is an expectation of dress applied to all students in all situations. Violations of this dress code have a known and consistent set of consequences. For example, at my daughters’ junior high school, students are expected to wear shorts and skirts no shorter than six inches above the knee. Pants of both boys and girls are to be worn at the waist/ hips (rather than sagging). Shirts must not have any inappropriate, obscene or offensive images or language (this can be a gray area, but generally is understood by most students). Shirts and dresses must have straps a minimum of two finger-widths. Clothing may not be see-through. Students may not wear pajamas to school, and may not have visible undergarments. Hats and sunglasses may not be worn in the building. I believe this is a very reasonable, and fairly standard, dress code.

1. School dress codes teach students that there is a time and a place for different types of dress.

This is perhaps the number one argument for a school dress code. I recently saw a young woman wearing a bikini in the grocery store. Customers stopped to stare at her, and a few snapped pictures on their cell phones. Store management asked the young lady to leave the store and come back when she had put on some more clothing. This was not discriminatory, as the store has a “no shirt, no shoes, no service” policy and a man dressed in similar beachwear would have been asked to put on a shirt or leave as well. The young lady, while perfectly attired for the beach or the pool, where she would not have created any sensation at all, was shockingly underdressed for most other public places. 

Similarly, a man or woman working in an office is expected to dress professionally. I have worked in several office settings and have seen my co-workers addressed for failing to meet standards of professional dress. Some were dressed too casually, in a t-shirt and jeans, some were dressed too provocatively, in skin tight pants with a visible thong and low-cut blouse. Both of these examples may have been perfectly appropriate at home or for a night out on the town, but were grossly inappropriate in a professional environment.
Why should our schools be any different? Students need to learn that there are societal expectations for appropriate dress, language, and behavior in different situations. What one wears to sleep in, one does not wear to a job interview. What one might wear to the beach is inappropriate in a classroom. The job of schools is to prepare students to live and work in the real world. Schools ought not to be simply a social club, but rather a setting for intense academics, and intellectual and social development. Teenagers ought to see themselves, and be treated as, professional students. School is their job. They are investing in their futures, so that one day they will be prepared for college and/ or the work place—learning appropriate dress is a vital part of that preparation.

2. School dress codes help to reduce distractions in the classroom.

As a junior high and high school teacher, I can tell you that teachers and students are fighting a never ending battle against distractions both in and out of the classroom. Students are distracted by their peers and their peers’ clothing. Adolescents are worried about their own appearance and are constantly comparing themselves to others. Teachers have to compete with cell phones, iPods, raging hormones, personal drama, and sleepy and hungry kids, among other things. When students are allowed to wear clothing that is offensive or distracting, the problem is amplified.
Distracting and inappropriate clothing may even contribute to discipline issues. In her blog post, “Dress Code Or Not, What You Wear Matters,” Eva Rykrsmith cites a study from the Evolution and Human Behavior Journal. In this study, behavior at a roller rink was observed on both nights with a strict dress code and nights without. The study noted that on nights with a strict dress code there were less accidents and less noise. The scientists concluded that individuals change their behavior in accordance with their clothing. http://quickbase.intuit.com/blog/2012/05/23/dress-code-or-not-what-you-wear-matters/
Like it or not, boys are distracted by the dress of their female classmates. This has nothing to do with males not respecting females, as has been the popular accusation. The biological reality is that teenage boys are attracted to the opposite sex and are preoccupied with sexuality. It is also a well-known biological fact that men are visual creatures.
Girls can also be distracted by their provocatively dressed peers. I have been one of those girls, and my 7th grade daughter is one of those girls. Women and girls dress as much for each other as they do for themselves and boys/ men. Even as a teacher, it can be difficult to not be distracted by how some of my students are dressed. The same holds true for young men who choose to sag their pants, or anyone who wears an obscene or offensive t-shirt. All of these things are distracting from the true purpose of school—learning—not self-expression, not popularity, not anything else.

3. School dress codes help both boys and girls to respect themselves and each other.

One of the most prominent arguments against school dress codes is that it unfairly targets girls and denies them self-expression, or teaches them to be ashamed of their bodies. I disagree 100%!
First, while some dress codes may be unevenly applied, that is not a reason to discount the dress code itself. Dress codes ought to be re-written to apply to both genders and ought to be applied objectively and consistently. The dress code at my daughter’s school does just that. It does not discriminate based on gender and it is evenly and consistently applied.
Second, while self-expression is important, there is a time and a place. Teenagers need to learn that. So much of their world, from celebrities to social media has become about the glorification of the self. They are inundated with images of Miley Cyrus twerking and flouting conventions left and right, celebrity nude photo leaks and the open book that is social media. Teenagers often are confused about what is in fact appropriate. They struggle with setting, maintaining, and respecting boundaries. They need to learn that the real world is not like Hollywood or Facebook or Instagram. In the real world, few people care how wonderful you think you are or even, sadly, about your opinion on real issues. In the real world, there are consequences to baring it all metaphorically or in actuality.
Third, dress codes do not teach girls to be ashamed of their bodies. They teach girls that their bodies are their property and ought to be respected and revered. I believe that allowing young women to dress provocatively exacerbates existing gender inequality and creates self-esteem issues. Many girls do not dress provocatively for a variety of reasons. Perhaps their parents do not allow them to dress provocatively, maybe they lack the body confidence to flaunt themselves, or possibly they simply do not want to. Young women often feel a tremendous amount of pressure to fit in with their peers and to gain attention from boys. They may feel pressured to dress a certain way to fit the norms of dress established by their peers. This pressure may cause girls to disobey their parents, compromise their own standards, or to feel ashamed of their body because how they look in a skimpy skirt is very different from how some of their peers look in skimpy skirts.
Particularly during adolescence, the type of clothing an individual wears has a definite effect on self-esteem and perceptions of self. According to another study cited by Rykrsmith, how an individual dresses may also affect their performance. The Journal of Experimental Social Psychology measured student performance while wearing the same white coat. Half of the students were told it was a doctor’s coat, and half were told it was a painter’s coat. The half that believed they were wearing a doctor’s coat showed higher levels of attention than those who believed they were wearing a painter’s coat. http://quickbase.intuit.com/blog/2012/05/23/dress-code-or-not-what-you-wear-matters/
As far as gender equality and respect, allowing young women to display themselves like merchandise in the hallowed halls of a school building only reinforces the misconceptions that many may already have—that young women are not in school to learn, but to find a boyfriend or get attention. How are we to teach young men to respect young women when they are being bombarded with these types of mixed messages? While I certainly do not condone the objectification of their female classmates nor do I think clothing alone is the reason for this, it is an aspect of this ugly reality. 

Reasonable and fair dress codes are an essential aspect of a productive school environment. A study published by Jimmy Creel and Angela Stallings of Sam Houston State University’s Center for Research and Doctoral Studies in Educational Leadership attempted to measure the effects of a school dress code on student achievement. While Creel and Stallings concluded that the dress code did not have an immediate significant impact on student achievement, Stallings did note that, "It is possible, based on our findings, that the benefits of a standardized dress code implemented and maintained over time may very well have a positive effect on student achievement.” Furthermore, Creel stated that there were other benefits, such as, "improved campus morale and reduced discipline violations, increased school pride, improved collaboration and teamwork among students . . . [and] enhanced image of students and the school in the community, minimization of the effects of economic variations among students, and reduction in the overall cost of student wardrobes." http://www.shsu.edu/~pin_www/T@S/2001/DressCode.html