Smartphones Are the Devil: Five Reasons Why My Teen Won't Have One

Don’t get me wrong, I love my iPhone. Its magical apps allow me to constantly update my Facebook status, Tweet whenever I feel the urge, and play endless hours of Words With Friends. But it is a little soul sucking at times. I have to consciously remind myself not to bring my phone to the dinner table, put it down to greet my husband, turn the ringer off and engage in life with my family. I know, I’m a terrible person. That is why when my thirteen-year-old asks when she can get a smartphone, I hypocritically, and unabashedly, tell her, “No way, Jose!”

There are many practical reasons why I don’t want my daughter to have a smartphone: she’ll break it, she already has a perfectly good phone that she never answers, she’ll break it, data plans are expensive, she’ll lose it, she’ll break it. But those aren’t the only reasons I don’t want her to have a smartphone.

1. Unlimited Access to the Internet is Dangerous

The rule at my house is my kids can only access the internet in common areas. They do not have computers in their rooms—nor will they ever—and they are not allowed to take the laptop into their rooms. Why? Mind-numbingly stupid YouTube videos, social media (see below), pornographic pictures and videos, explicit music, games that will crash my hard-drive, and sexual predators waiting for any opportunity. Why would I give my kids pocket-sized access to the internet that they can take with them anywhere. Let’s be honest. Teenagers are not the best at using common sense and good judgment. They are curious, clueless, impulsive, and insecure. Yes, I know there are safeguards and restrictions you can put on your kids’ phones but, to me, it just isn’t worth the risk.

2. Social Media Reinforces Poor Boundaries

I enjoy Facebook and Twitter as much as the next person, but I grew up in a different age. I can remember the time before the internet, social media, status updates, and selfies. I have the wisdom and common sense to discern what should and should not be posted. Too many kids, and even young adults, today have ATROCIOUS interpersonal boundaries. They post selfies in compromising or illegal situations, rant about their bosses, air their dirty laundry, and otherwise TMI. There is no sense that some things ought not to be public; some things ought to be sacred. They don’t seem to grasp the concept that what they put out on social media can negatively impact their reputations, their relationships, their careers, and their lives. This tendency towards over-sharing even carries over into the actual world. As a teacher, I was astounded by what teenagers will share in front of the entire class without batting an eyelash.

3. Texting is Destroying Communication

Yes, I realize that not only smartphones are capable of texting, but they do seem to exacerbate the problem. Texting, while highly convenient, is a non-committal form of communication. With texting, you can avoid having to actually talk to someone (therein lies the appeal). Teenagers today are losing the ability to have a normal conversation. Texting encourages one way communication (I call it monologuing), superficiality and misunderstanding (no facial expressions or voice intonations to read), poor grammar, poor spelling, and poor vocabulary (everything is said in the shortest words or abbreviations possible). I even hear kids talk to each other in text-speak. They actually say “lol” and “btw.” WTF!

4. Technology Accustoms Teens to Instant Gratification

All technology, from dishwashers to microwaves to smartphones makes our lives easier. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing. However, too much convenience can make us impatient and overly-reliant on technology. Too many people cannot cook without a microwave or navigate without a phone. We come to expect our needs and wants to be met immediately, and with little effort on our parts. Teenagers, who are just learning important life skills, need practice in the art of problem-solving and patience.

5. Games and Apps Rot Your Brain

Constant electronic input leads to brains that are overstimulated and hard-wired for poor attention. It used to be that when someone had to sit in a waiting room, take a long car ride, or otherwise be idle, they found ways to entertain themselves that did not involve electronics. People used to engage in conversation about meaningful topics, face to face. People used to read actual books or magazines. People used to just sit quietly and think. Not anymore, now they’re playing Candy Crush Saga and watching YouTube.

9 Rules for Naming Your Baby (From A Self-Confessed Name Snob)

So, I must confess, I’m a bit of a name snob. I don’t mean to be judgmental; it’s just that I have an opinion. I have always been fascinated by names. I used to pore over an old baby name book of my mom’s and come up with lists of names—much to the annoyance of the family members who were subjected to my litany of monikers. When I found out I was pregnant, the first thing I bought was a huge baby name book. And, I kid you not, I made a spread sheet.

That said, I think I am fairly eclectic when it comes to names. I love traditional names, unusual names, trendy names, literary names, nature names . . . you name it. The only things that really get my dander up are made up names and misspelled names. I do think, however, that certain naming “rules” or “guidelines” can be helpful.

Rule #1:  Choose a Name You Will Cherish

This is by far the most important thing. You will say this name a bajillion times a day for the rest of your life. Pick one you and your significant other really love and will enjoy saying . . . over and over again.

Rule #2: Consider Your Child

Remember, your child is the one who is really going to have to live with the name you choose, so think about how it will affect them. Ask yourself these questions. Are there any unfortunate nicknames that come with this name? Will the odd pronunciation/ spelling of this name negatively affect my child? Are there any negative connotations to this name? Will my child enjoy having this name? Is this name gender-appropriate? Will this name age with my child? It is no fun going through life with a name that is a source of teasing or negative assumptions.

Rule #3: Meditate On Meaning

Please don’t make up a name. Please. Please. Don’t. Names are expressions of culture and language. Don’t labor under the delusion that just because you decide to call your child something awesome like “MyAnna” that makes it a name. The world is literally full of beautiful, wonderful names. There is no need to make one up. Part of the joy of naming another human being is giving them a name of substance, a name that means something. Did you know that the name Calvin means “bald?” How about that the name Ethan means “strong?” Whereas something like “MaShon” or “Jennavecia” mean . . . nothing . . .  I am not saying rule out all names that don’t have a great meaning, however, if you are stuck between two or three, this could be a deciding factor. Oh, and in case you are wondering, in a baby name book, the origin “American” is code for “made-up.”

Rule #4: Say it With Your Surname

Avoid names that sound “rhymey” or comical with your last name. Sally is a wonderful name; paired with O’Malley, not so much. If your last name is Bush, don’t name your daughter Rose.

Rule #5: Specify a Spelling

This is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves about naming. Please don’t give your child’s name a youneek spelling. Caitlin, Marcus, and Samantha are lovely names; Kaytlynne, Marquis, and Symanthe are ridiculous. I am all for uncommon but LEGITIMATE spellings of names—Madeleine, Sofia, Jakob—particularly if they have cultural or family significance to you. However, made up spellings make things difficult for the child and make the parents look unsophisticated and attention-seeking.

Rule #6: Contemplate Connotations

Names come with certain connotations, right or wrong, be they racial, gender, age or personality stereotypes. Tiffany and Whitney sound like blonde cheerleaders (or 80s singers). Winston and Sheldon are quintessential nerd-names. Betty, Jennifer, and Madison all convey specific generations. Atticus, Clementine, Sukey? Hello, hipster. You get the idea. Most connotations are not negative—stay away from Adolph or Osama—but you should think about how others may perceive a certain name, and whether or not that perception bothers you. If you are not sure about the positive or negative associations of a name, google it or ask your friends.

Rule #7: Middle Names Matter

This is strictly a matter of taste—ok, I guess all my rules are a matter of taste . . . I, personally, am of the opinion that middle names should mean something, more so than a first name. My kid’s middle names are after honored family members. Some of the names I don’t particularly care for (thus, why they are not first names) but I wanted to honor that particular person. I have seen others choose a middle name that is significant for some other reason: the name of the town where mom and dad met, a character from a favorite book, a virtue they wish their child to develop. The middle name is a place you can afford to break a few rules and be creative.

Rule #8: Don’t Ignore the Initials

Once you think you have decided on a first name and middle name, write out the initials. Most will be fine, but you don’t want initials that spell words or make acronyms: Andrew Samuel Smith, Erin Anne Richards, Katherine Kay King, Luke Oliver Lawrence. . . lol.

Rule #9: Track the Trends

This is another one that won’t bother the majority of people—obviously, or there wouldn’t be naming trends to begin with. I, for one, dislike overly trendy names but I wouldn’t necessarily let it dissuade me if I really loved the name. We all know that certain names really take off in a particular generation. How many little old ladies and men do you know that are named Betty or John? How many people born in the 80s were named Jennifer or Ryan? Currently, there are glut of Madisons, Olivias, Isabellas, Jacobs, and Liams. If it will bother you that your child will have three other kids with the same name in their class, think about a different name.

For some great name websites, see:

http://nameberry.com/
http://www.behindthename.com/
http://www.nymbler.com/
http://www.babynamewizard.com/
http://www.ssa.gov/oact/babynames/