1. Not returning our phone calls or emails.
I have 150 students. I promise, I will not call you or email you unless I need to. If I am attempting to communicate with you it is either because I am concerned with your child’s academic performance, or I am concerned with their behavior. Not only do I want to make you aware of the situation, I also want your input. Students perform and behave better in school when they know that teachers and parents are on the same page and are supporting each other.
2. Not attending conferences.
I realize that not everyone is able to make it to conferences. If you are working or out of town or have a bunch of little kids and no babysitter, you get a pass. Everyone else, take an hour out of your day once or twice a year and go to your kids’ conferences. This lets your kid know that you value their education and how they are doing in school. It helps me feel comfortable communicating with you, and gives me an opportunity to discuss things that may not have warranted an individual phone call, but are still worth discussing. It gives you a chance to see where your kid spends the majority of their time and put a face with the name you may be hearing a lot.
3. Not checking your kid’s grades online.
C’mon, it’s not that hard. I’m not saying you have to check every day, but once a week or a couple times a month, log in to your school’s online grade system and see you how your kid is doing. Most systems can even be set up to send you weekly emails. Again, I have 150 students. I have to prioritize which parents get called. It’s triage, really. I can’t call every parent about every missing assignment and every low test score. I call the parents of the kids who are failing or who have a “D,” or who have a significant amount of missing work. That means that I may not get around to calling you until your kid has fallen substantially behind. If you are checking their grades regularly, you can intervene before a little concern becomes a big problem.
4. Belittling school, education, or us.
I know not everyone values education in the exact same way. For some families it is a number one priority, for others it is barely on the radar. I know you may or may not be thrilled with me as a teacher. However, when you speak poorly about school, education, or my teaching qualifications, you invite your kid to do the same. Most junior high and high school students can’t wait for an opportunity to gripe about stupid school and their mean teachers. When you allow this and, worse, encourage it by doing it yourself, you are setting your kid up for trouble. Undermining the teacher gives kids permission to disregard what the teacher says or requires. Demeaning education does not encourage your child to do their best. I think we can all agree that having a good education will benefit your child in the long run. Why give them a reason not to achieve?
5. Being a “Helicopter” Parent.
I know that you love your child and that their academic success is important to you. I know that you like being involved in your child’s life. Relax. You don’t need to email or call me every single time your kid forgets to turn something in or gets a “B” on a test. Let them take a little responsibility and learn to advocate for themselves. They will never learn to do it on their own if you are always getting involved. Save the phone calls and emails for the really important stuff.
6. Going to the principal without talking to us first.
You may not appreciate my teaching style. You may not understand why your kid got a “C” instead of a “B.” You may not think it was fair that I gave your child detention. Please. Talk. To. Me. First. There is nothing more embarrassing than having my principal approach me to talk about a parental concern and I have no idea what he is talking about. Most of the time, we will be able to work out our differences on our own. Most of the time it will have been a simple misunderstanding (or misrepresentation) that is causing you concern. If, after talking to me, you still feel unresolved, by all means talk to my principal. But please do me the courtesy of coming to me first.
7. Making excuses for your kid.
This is my number one frustration with teaching—parents who make excuses for their kids. Yes, I realize that there may be very legitimate explanations for kids’ struggles in the classroom. However, if you are always providing an excuse for why your child cannot turn in their assignments on time, study for tests, stay in their seat, be respectful, or tell the truth, then we have a problem. Your kid needs to learn to be responsible for himself. If you are always relieving them of responsibility, they will never learn to be accountable for their actions; they will always think that the rules don’t apply to them. In the real world, the police don’t care why you were speeding, your landlord doesn’t care why you can’t pay rent, and your boss doesn’t care why you were late.
